Five Archie Statements
Bad and accidental skiing and surfboarding stunts win prizes rather than well-practiced professional ones.
Two women can not wear the same style of dress at the same event without a major altercation.
All pop music, to parents, is loud and obnoxious.
When a student is late to class, it is customary to sneak into the room on hands and knees.
Gift-buying is frequently observed surreptitiously by a rival gift-buyer.