What’s with all the superheroes dying lately? Is there something in the water? Besides Aquaman, I mean—we know he’s not killing ‘em.
Water could well have been the substance that did in The Human Torch, who was snuffed out in the flaming prime of his life earlier this month. But no, he was extinguished by a mob of slobbering cretins.

With his given name of Johnny Storm, The Human Torch could easily have taken a job as a TV weatherman and left the derring-do to others. But no, he was a team player with an invisible sister, a rubbery brainiac brother-in-law and a surly sedimentary colleague playfully known as The Thing. They all wore “4”s on their uniforms. Did the Three Musketeers or The Secret Six or the Chicago Ten wear numbers on their shirts? This was some TEAM.

Now what happens? Well, there’s one potential scenario drawn from pop music. When Lawrence Payton passed away, the three remaining Four Tops toured for a while as just The Tops before enlisting a new member (that group’s first new recruit in nearly half a century). Granted, this is unlikely to happen to, um, The Fantastic. They complement each other’s other superpowers, not each other’s ability to harmonize well. Then again, how do you pick a suitable replacement for a man who can turn himself into a ball of flames on a whim? Do the auditions involve matches and gasoline?

I’m going to stretch this Fantastic/Tops comparison one step further. My wife had never listened closely to the lyrics of “Bernadette.” Her mishearing of the title? “Burning Death.”

And not even the elastic Mr. Fantastic could “Reach Out!” this time.