The Friday before Valentine’s Day should be given over to the loveless, and made into a Black Friday of Broken Hearts.
I am not among the afflicted—indeed, I expect I might be the most happily married man you’ve ever met. But just as I prefer novels about sin to ones about virtue, I have a thing for break-up songs. And there needs be a designated day on which to share them, not just those awkward times when a friend is getting over a busted relationship

Here are five that rock rather than whimper.

The Continental Co-Ets, “I Don’t Love You No More.” The most haunting track on the extraordinary anthology Girls in the Garage Volume 2, a red-vinyl treasure on Romulan Records released in 1987 and gathering girl garage groups from the mid-‘60s. Many are Beatlesque, but this one has a nifty surf beat.

The Real Kids, “Who Needs You?” A delirious cathartic riff blows all of the love right out of the room on the highlight from Live at the Rat (which I’ve already mentioned in an earlier post is the Album That Changed My Life)

Harry Nilsson, “You’re Breaking My Heart.” Might not hold up to repeated listenings, but just about everyone laughs the first time they hear it, and the tune actually sustains itself beyond that funny “Fuck you” lyric.

Leslie Gore, “I Won’t Love You Anymore (Sorry)” A lot of orchestral sass on this single. I like the way the “Sorry” part actually overlaps the “I won’t love you” part. Zippy strings and an exceptionally busy drummer.

Groucho Marx, “Hello, I Must Be Going.” Groucho sings it in the beginning of Animal Crackers, where it’s augmented by chorus shouts and vocal contributions by Zeppo, then segues directly into “Hooray for Captain Spaulding.” Over 40 years later, it’s the opening number for the live “An Evening With Groucho” concerts.