Good Light, Irene

Received a press release from the American Lighting Association: “Three Ways to Cut Your Energy Bill.” To lightly gloss its contents:
1. Use compact fluorescent bulbs instead of incandescents.
2. Use ceiling fans instead of air conditioners.
3. Use lighting controls.

In the spirit of the paranoia greeting the impending Hurricane Irene, here’s a light revision:
1. There’s mercury in them incandescents. Don’t let ‘em smash in the wind.
2. Ceiling fans only work if your ceiling hasn’t blown down.
3. Lighting controls don’t work when the power’s down.

Which is the truest way to cut your energy bill. Have no energy to cut.