The Riverdale Book Review

I find purity and poetry in the simple names given to the feature stories and one-page gags in Archie Comics. When bundled as thick digests, the mass of titles can provide a unique uplifting sensation.

These are the punny, rhymey or otherwise distinctive titles found in World of Archie Double Digest #37 (April 2014):

  • For Whom the Bowl Tolls (in which Mr. Weatherbee goes bowling)
  • Trail’s End (the ever-popular Archie theme of snow shoveling)
  • A Date With Suzy Stringbean
  • Wheels of Fortune (a Life With Archie story in which our intrepid teen hero and his pal Jughead are tied up inside a car that is set rolling down a curvy dirt road towards Bottomless Lake.)
  • Psychic to Me
  • Open and Shut Case
  • Bust Out
  • Love Out
  • Turn Out
  • Loan Moan
  • The Delicate Disaster
  • Team Steam
  • The Dating Game
  • Spoil Sport
  • Problem Players
  • Chop Chop
  • The Final Test
  • Critics’ Choice
  • Affection Connection
  • Ringmaster
  • Miss Beazley’s Gag Bag
  • Mister Weatherbee in Hit Bit
  • TV or Not TV
  • Gig Gag
  • Cool Collector
  • Glee Spree
  • On the Defensive
  • Angel With a Pitchfork
  • Rap Flap

and

  • Doodling Around

Rock Gods #300: Adventures in Our Little Music Scene

You can’t say it wasn’t as advertised. “An Evening of Acoustic Guitar With a Guy Who Can Barely Play” featured Barry Blitz—the aging punk once known as Sonny Blitt—attempting solo renditions of punk and hard-core tunes he’d written decades earlier.

“for this show,” Barry announced, “I really do wish I could play guitar better. But if I could, these songs would never have been written. I’d rather be known for the dozen bad punk songs than the immortally lousy prog rock operas.”

Here, here. The show was decidedly ramshackle. We stopped counting broken strings at seven. It got so bad that Barry had borrowed, and snapped at least one string, on every guitar in the joint; those generous singer-songwriters who were scheduled to play after him were frantically restringing and tuning—but not too obviously, lest Barry borrow and bother their axes again.

Acoustic chaos, verily. But the joy of this stop-start-smash-grab set was in seeing Sonny Blitt settle into himself. There was a time when Sonny was the most solipsistic, self-centered, shamelessly self-promoting music-ass in the scene. But time wounds all heels, and the erstwhile leader of the Blats has appreciably mellowed.

Sonny Blitt is the guy who, when his band disbanded under him a few years ago, took it upon himself to spraypaint “Sonny Blitt is God” on club walls and alleyways around town. He had a ways to fall, vanity-wise.

This night, he hadn’t dyed his hair orange, or pierced his cheek, or done his nails, as in the old days. He had no band behind him to berate. He had no handmade merch to hawk, no home-recorded tapes or disks to push. He had two new songs, one of which was called “Nu Sawng” and the other “Newer Song.” The Blats oldies

“I don’t care anymore,” Barry informed me after the set, with characteristic emphatic repetitiveness. “I just don’t care. Don’t care, me. I just want to play. Play. Play my songs. My songs. Play my fucking songs.”

Then he passed out.

Reading Journal

As workers fix up our furnaces (we are converting from oil to propane), my mind drifts back to the natural rather than duct-conducted warmth of summertime, and what I was reading back then.

I read half a dozen John Creasey thrillers during a single summer vacation week in mid-August: one Toff (The Toff Goes to Market, 1942), one Baron (Blame the Baron, 1951), one Inspector West (Strike for Death, 1958), one Dr. Palfrey (Traitor’s Doom, 1949), one Superintendent Folly (Mystery Motive, 1947) and one Dr. Cellini (This Man Did I Kill?, 1974). That I’d taken volumes from seven different series was a complete coincidence. I just grabbed a handful of Creaseys which I’d just unpacked from our house-moving in July. I own over 80 Creasey paperbacks, which is not all that impressive since he wrote over 600. John Creasey is my most reliable beach read. The mysteries are automatic, but not the same thing over and over. Creasey just finds interesting confrontations, turns them into crimes, and has one of his many reliable heroes sort them out.

That same week, I also whipped through two Daphne DuMauriers: a short story collection, The Breaking Point, and the big which I’m likely to recall most fondly from the whole stack, I’ll Never Be Young Again. It’s the kind of coming-of-age novel which nobody writes anymore. It’s about heartache and uncertain emotions. It’s not graphic or revolting.

DuMaurier is actually better suited to fall or winter than to summer. All those windstorms. Creasey? Any time.

The Riverdale Book Review

Took Archie Comics Super Special to task Friday for rerunning dozens of pages from other current Archie products. While I do not approve of this policy, I should add that one of the books Archie Comics Super Special cribs from—the thick trade-paperback anthology The Best of Archie Comics Book Four—is one of the best Archie collections to have been released in recent years (and there’ve been so many). Not only does it contain the masterpiece “Quiet on the Set,” it has the 1971 Everything’s Archie #16 cover story “Summer Prayer for Peace,” in which Archie and Jughead receive their draft notifications and argue with token Riverdale hippie “Clyde” over whether or not they should burn their draft cards. They opt instead to hold a big outdoor Archies concert instead, at which they sing “Summer Prayer for Peace”—an actual real-world Archies single, found on the album Sunshine.

There’s a lot more to recommend in Archie Comics Book Four, but “Quiet on the Set” and “Summer Prayer for Peace” are worth the ten bucks right there.

Rock Gods #299: Adventures in Our Little Music Scene

The Slipperz never forget their first show. It’s the only one they’ve played so far. They had just found a lead singer, Ben Monck. The debut gig went OK. Then Monck had a climbing accident the following week, went into a coma, and remains at Southwest Central General today, four months later.

The other Slipperz, who admit that they were just getting to know Ben, and had all turned down invites to join him on the mountaintop that fateful Friday, feel dutybound to honor their fallen comrade. They’ve played several shows without a vocalist, as the Lipless, NoBen and Monck-Ridden.

“There’s a resolve,” says Jen Essanay, who grew the band out of her knitting circle. “You hear bands say ‘This is bigger than any of us.’ More than the sum of its parts, like that. Well, this is about Ben, and Ben’s not here, and we’re only here doing this because of Ben. Make of that what you want.”

Ironies linger. Ben’s fall was due to slipping on a wet rock. This observations drives his bandmates nuts. “We were named after shoes. We were padding around a dorm room watching The Shocknuts on TV and saying ‘Hey, we should start a band. If we’d wanted it to be about climbing, we’d be The Cleatz.”

Monck-Ridden plays The Bullfinch on Thursday, a benefit to pay some of Ben’s bills.

Tonight: Ha Hoo Whooeee! at the Bullfinch; they’ve finally written a theme song that uses their band name as background sounds. … The Silent Years at Hamilton’s, doing pre-fuzz trance covers … Mr. Inferno hosts a goth nostalgia night at D’Ollaire’s, featuring underworld one-hit wonders Unkindest Cut, Extreme Decorating and Surprise Presents. …

The Top 50

To accommodate iOs 8.0 a couple of months ago, I had to clean out my phone—a virtual extension of all the moving and unpacking I’ve been doing in the physical realm lately. A rewarding exercise.

Lately, I’ve been using the “Music” area of my phone for whole albums from FIDLAR, The Orwells, The Dirtbombs and the two Early Songs of Randy Newman compilations on Ace Records. Those previous binges are the only reason those bands aren’t on my phone right now. Other major favorites that have lived on my phone for ages and are not currently represented are ? and the Mysterians’ “96 Tears,” Moes Haven’s “Peter Bogdonavich Can’t Stop Talking About Orson Welles,” Frankie Trumbauer & Bix Beiderbecke’s “Borneo,” Danny Kaye & The Andrews Sisters’ “Bongo Bongo Bongo,” John Alden Carpenter’s “Krazy Kat” ballet score, and many different tunes by Mark Mulcahy, The Archies and the great Bert Williams.

Here’s the current line-up, judiciously selected from my iMac library. I wasn’t trying to select exactly 50. That just happened.

“American Beat ’84,” The Fleshtones

“Apathy,” Mikal Cronin

“Are You Ready for the Fallout?,” Fastball

“The Ballad of the Sad Young Men,” Tani Seitz (The Nervous Set original cast soundtrack)

“Bang Shang a Lang,” The Archies (this song is also my ringtone)

“Beatnik Love Affair,” Noel Coward

“Book of Revelation,” Mr. T Experience

“Can’t Stop Singing,” Teen Beach Movie soundtrack

“Dishonest John,” The Jim Jones Revue

“Doin’ the New Lowdown,” Don Redman Orchestra

“Don’t Sugar Me,” Walt Kelly & Norman Monath (I Go Pogo)

“Every 1’s a Winner,” Hot Chocolate

“Everyone Says I Love You” (Zeppo Marx, Horsefeathers soundtrack)

“Everyone Says I Love You” (Chico Marx, Horsefeathers soundtrack)

“Everyone Says I Love You” (Harpo Marx, Horsefeathers soundtrack)

“Everyone Says I Love You” (Groucho Marx, Horsefeathers soundtrack)

“The Fatalist,” Lyonnais

“Faust,” Secret Colours

“The Girl from Ipanema,” Frank Sinatra & Antonio Carlos Jobim

“Goin’ Down,” The Monkees

“Gotta Find You,” Joe Jonas (Camp Rock soundtrack)

“Hello Dolly,” The Shadows of Knight

“Hit Me,” Faust

“Hymn to Fredonia,” Marx Brothers Duck Soup soundtrack

“I Know a Place,” Petula Clark

“I Like Bananas,” Henry Hall & His BBC Dance Orchestra

“I’ve Been to a Marvelous Party,” The Divine Comedy

“Let the Fireflies Fly Away,” Mark Mulcahy

“Lies,” Nancy Sinatra

“Living is So Easy,” British Sea Power

“The Monkey Song,” Hoagy Carmichael

“My Hat’s on the Side of My Head,” Al Bowly

“No Future Part II: The Airing of Grievances,” Titus Andronicus

“No Future Part III: Escape from No Future,” Titus Andronicus

“Not Lately,” Bert Williams

“Oh, Is She Dumb!,” Eddie Cantor

“Olly Olly Oxen Free,” Amanda Palmer & the Grand Theft Orchestra

“The Perfect Nanny,” Louis Prima & Gia Maione

“Randy Scouse Git,” The Monkees

“Sodane,” Pastels & Tenniscoats

“Sugar Sugar,” The Archies

“Tapioca Tundra,” The Monkees

“This Time Josephine,” The Fleshtones

“Two Lovely Black Eyes,” Charles Coburn

“The Underture,” Alice Cooper (Welcome 2 My Nightmare)

“Village Green” Ray Davies and the Crouch End Festival Chorus, from The Kinks Choral Collection

“Watching the Knife and Fork Spoon,” Don Redman Orchestra

“We’ve Got the Look,” The Tyler Trudeau Attempt

“Where the Wind Blows,” Coco O. (The Great Gatsby soundtrack)

“Suds!,” w.h. Walker

“1, 2, 3, Partyy!,” Mission of Burma

The Riverdale Book Review

Most disappointing Archie Christmas special: The Archie Comics Super Special, which is oversized in format and which promises “over 100 pages of Archie fun,” but which is padded with several non-Christmas stories. Sure, there’s the first Jingles the Elf story, but there’s also, at great length, Part One of the “Bollywood Love” serial and, at even greater length, the entire first 24 pages of the new chapter book Betty: Diary of a Girl Next Door. Of course I own that whole book already, but it’s also a waste of a large-format magazine to blow up those black-and-white book illustrations at the expense of, say, more pin-up pages. Archie Comics Super Special also features the silent-film tribute “Quiet on the Set,” written by Frank Doyle and drawn by Harry Lucey. This is an all-time Archie classic, which first appeared in the 1975 Archie Annual, but it’s here as part of a three-story sampler of stories anthologized in the currently available The Best of Archie Comics Book Four. Again, got it already. Shilling for its other publications is a grand Archie tradition. Rerunning dozens of pages from them in a whole other comic, without warning, is Christmas regifting of the cheapest kind.

The "c" word: Criticism